Watch the full training HERE.
It can be hard to set healthy boundaries in our relationships. We don’t necessarily have a lot of good models for that. Whether we’re talking about our relationship with family, romantic partner, work, or friends, boundaries are essential for any type of relationship.
In this video, you’re going to learn simple ways to set better boundaries and really hold your boundaries in a different light than maybe you have before. And you’ll also learn why setting boundaries is so important.
1. Boundaries are not the same as walls
Mark Groves has said, “Walls keep people out. Boundaries teach people where the door is.”
Boundaries aren’t a complete closing off in the way that a wall is. They’re an invitation to others to engage with you in a way that allows the right level of opening to occur at the right time.
When you don’t have good boundaries, you’re going to armor up around certain people so that you don’t abandon yourself. We put up walls when we’re afraid, but we also put up walls when we don’t trust ourselves to hold our own boundaries.
2. Until you have a clear NO, your YES won’t be trustworthy
Focus on learning your own NO and your own YES clearly, because a muddy yes sets the stage for other people to violate your boundaries since you haven’t been clear about where they are.
Fuzzy boundaries will also force people to walk on eggshells around you, so they don’t set you off by mistakenly crossing a boundary they didn’t know was there.
Another one of my favorite quotes about boundaries is by Prentis Hemphill: “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.
In other words, healthy boundaries are an expression of self-love and knowing your NO and knowing your YES are an expression of self-love.
3. Practice saying YES with more specificity and NO with fewer words
When you want something, or you’re saying yes to something, let people know exactly how you want it.
If someone’s making you a cup of tea or coffee, what type of tea do you want? Do you want milk and sugar in your coffee? How strong do you want your coffee brewed? These are all ways for you to be super specific with your YES.
When you’re a NO to something, consider having “No,” or “No, thank you,” be a complete sentence. It’s your discomfort with NO that will have you tend to pad, or justify, or over-explain that NO, which then weakens it.
So if you have a lot of experience of people pushing back at you when you say NO, investigate to see if you’re explaining or padding it too much.
4. The more clear you are about your boundaries, the less pushback you’ll receive
When you become an energetic stand for something, or a stand against something, and you’re clear, in your own YES and your own NO, you’ll find that a lot of the pushback that you may currently be experiencing, or have experienced in the past, will go away.
Watch the full training HERE.
The relationship you desire is possible! If you’re partnered, click HERE to discover what missing pieces are stopping you from having the connection and passion you desire.
If you’re single and/or dating, click HERE to to take an honest look at where you are now and where you need to grow in order to attract the love you want.