Watch the full training HERE.
Sex is an important part of any relationship, but sometimes it gets hard to keep things exciting.
When sex starts to feel like a chore, it’s easy to get discouraged and lose interest, but buying lingerie or toys isn’t the answer.
In the full training, I show you how to fix the unfulfilling sex in your relationship using simple tips and tricks that will help you reignite the spark.
1. Cultivate more attention on your own experience and your own body
Boredom is a function of lack of attention. If you start to pay more attention to your experience, rather than trying to make something happen over there in your partner at the expense of staying connected to your own body, things get way more interesting.
2. Create a transition that gets you out of your head and warms you up to engage sexually
Warm yourself up before shifting to intimate sexual time with somebody or with yourself. This can be to take a bath to relax, dance to a favorite song, put clothes on your body that feels good, and touching yourself.
The idea is to begin embodying and coming out of your busy head-and-work-space first, so you enter the sexual arena already primed and turned on, instead of expecting yourself to go from zero to 100 on the spot.
3. Get to know your own body better
There might be ways that you need to get to know your own body better, so you can teach your partner, or partners, about it more effectively.
To be able to show someone what you like, you’ve got to know what you like.
So touch yourself, find what turns you on, and then show your partner or partners what you found out, so they can know what feels best to you.
4. Whatever your habit is, lean the opposite way
If you don’t speak up in bed, start speaking up.
If you wait to speak up until you’re irritated, speak up sooner, because it’s going to feel a whole lot better to your partner to receive a request to change something that has zero emotional charge in it, because you’re not irritated yet.
If you’re overly directive in bed, try leaning back and allowing more space, cultivating more attention on your own experience instead. Try speaking up less than half as often as you have in the past as an experiment, while putting more attention on your experience.
5. Stop faking orgasm. Just stop. It makes your partner(s) dumb and just leaves you frustrated
When you fake orgasm, nobody wins.
Now, this might mean having to initiate some challenging conversations like, “Hey, I’ve been faking orgasm and I want to stop doing that.”
Get proactive. Instead, ask more for what you want and up your attention.
And be gentle with yourself. Be gentle with your partner. If you’re not orgasmic, it’s okay. Relax, and allow yourself to have more attention to work toward feeling safe enough to allow climax to happen, alone and together.
6. Afterwards, share a moment when you felt something
You can agree in advance to say something afterwards like, “There was a moment when (what was happening) and I felt (a sensation in your body).”
This is a moment to share a sensation you felt, like warmth or tingling. Keep it descriptive, specific, and value neutral.
This is not, “You did so great at blah, blah, blah,” or, “That sucked.”
This is about a moment you felt something during the sexual experience. The reason for this is twofold:
Number one, it helps you keep your attention on your body if you know that you’re going to be sharing something you felt afterwards.
Number two, it also starts to build intimacy between you because you’re letting each into your own experience more deeply.
It can be hard sometimes to drop into sex when you hold a lot in your life. I aim to change that because it can be fuel for everything you want to create in your life.
Watch the full training HERE.
The relationship you desire is possible! If you’re partnered, click HERE to discover what missing pieces are stopping you from having the connection and passion you desire.
If you’re single and/or dating, click HERE to to take an honest look at where you are now and where you need to grow in order to attract the love you want.